GitBucket ate my post, so this is going to be the third attempt for me to write this.
At this point I'm just not sure what to do. Discussions around code of conducts and people's opinions on them vary, but boy do they get heated and put people fight mode. Of course, a lot of this is related to people not liking the code, mostly to do with whether you should use the correct pronouns for people, but a lot of it is also some conspiracy garbage about how a shadowy cabal is attempting to control open source somehow.
Because of that, it's extremely hard to talk about code of conducts. Everyone has a different idea of what they mean, interpreting subtext or reading things in an unintended way. Sometimes this is done on purpose to create arguments about what's considered harassment with plenty of lawyering over the original text and what words mean. What happens is in practice discussing the code of conduct is off limits and asking questions about it is seen as trolling, which sucks hard as an autistic person who often needs things spelled out or explained.
Code of conducts also don't do much when it comes to making people be respectful. It's perfectly acceptable to say 'I don't care about disabled people' as long as you word it as something nicer, such as 'at the moment spending money on ramps is off the table'. Hell, code of conducts don't really apply to the people enforcing them either. They don't magically remove power structures or make people better people. Likewise having someone use the correct pronouns but think you're a disgusting freak isn't respectful to people, it's respect towards the project and its rules.
So I'm really not sure if I want to add a code of conduct at this point. It seems like more trouble than it's worth. I'd rather just ban people manually at this point.
Yeah I'm closing this for now. If anyone can address my concerns I'd be interested in re-opening.
It's important to me to have some rules of engagement and a policy people can understand up front when it comes to behavior, as well as a way for people who feel threatened to contact me.